You’re like a horse…
Ok… so what constitutes a normal sunday for an adventurous chap like me? Well I’ll tell you…
Cleanse your body, mind and soul… as long as The Man says it’s alright?!
Today I began the reshaping of my body to accompany the already now advancing reshape of my mind. I awoke at six in the morning like a shuffling grizzly bear, eyes full of sleep and limbs full of warm sheets envy and thrust myself beneath a warm shower. Once my senses had awoken and the suitably masculine training kit (lies, all lies) had adorned my body like a suit of armour, my training buddy and inspiration, Jay, and I set off to the gym. Now I am all for joining a council gym… supporting the local area, buying into fitness rather than a heavily branded mega corporation and so Jay and I started our work out. In Bethnal Green’s council gym we toned not only my muscles but my knowledge of training methods, form and abilities with a sense of purpose, fun and passion.
And then ‘The Man’ had to rear his ugly head…
jeff + beer + rock and roll = stacey leech
Jeffrey Christ!
*** IMPORTANT WEBSITE UPDATE: If you hadn’t already noticed, you can now ‘COMMENT’ on all of my blog entries and let me know what you are thinking you cheeky chappies and lassies. So get in touch!***
My darling friends I am sorry I haven’t updated for a couple of weeks but I have in fairness been pre-occupied with a task of serious magnitude. I have been writing, filming and editing a new series of sketches to entice your eyeballs and tickle your rib cages with in the next week or two. I’m not sure if these comedy video blogs I have filmed as the one and only Jesus Christ will go down particularly well with my fans in the southern states of America. However to any religious viewers who take offence to the material once it has made it’s Holy Erection to the likes of YouTube, FunnyOrDie.com and other websites I have these words of explanation. Don’t hate me… first of all God and Jesus alike were about forgiveness and love and therefore to maraude me with daggers… (click read more for more blog, photos and to comment)
Romantic or Lunatic?
I’m over in Barcelona to DJ at Rodeo’s First Birthday at Sidecar and it’s turning out to be a lovely trip so far full of messy evenings and interesting Spaniards. Last night I played a stupendous back to back set with the very talented Kosmos and Dellarge at Apollo a giant indie/electro club here. Prior to that however I went for dinner with Alex Dellarge and his delightfully charming girlfriend Carlotta. Whilst eating, my eyes were transfixed by a raven haired beauty sat at a nearby table having dinner with a male friend. She looked like Rhona Mitra, and I adore Rhona Mitra, in fact only the other day I was lamenting the fact that I will never get to hold that incredible creature in my arms and so I believe that this Spanish angel was sent to fill the void left by my Hollywood A-lister’s unobtainable nature. After the couple had finished their main meals, I approached, apologised for interrupting their conversation and asked if they were a couple. They weren’t. So I proceeded to inform the object of my desire that she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen and I had not been able to tear my eyes away from her beautiful visage for the entirety of my meal. I also invited her to come to my DJ set that I am playing this evening and asked her name… it is Yolanda. Then I thanked her for listening to my romantic espousal, excused myself and we left the restaurant. I have just spent half an hour looking at 500+ Yolandas on facebook to see if I could discover her on there. Am I desperately romantic sometimes or am I simply a lunatic?
I shall let you all know if she turns up tonight. If she doesn’t, Rhona Mitra had better start returning my calls.
On a side note, the fantastically talented web designer who made my website is currently working on adding a ‘comment’ section for the blogs, so finally we shall all be able to converse as greater powers intended… online and through the medium of HTML scripting!
My New Year’s Resolutions
Well my lovelies, 2010 has been thrust upon us like a fresh sheath with which to penetrate another annum of experience and adventure. And so I have taken time to document my year’s resolutions for the birth of the ‘tensies’. What will your resolutions be I wonder? Tell me: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).
Go now, into the unknown realms of 2010 full of my love, support and belief. Every one of you has the ability to do great things and change the lives of those around you for the better every single day you are on this planet. I salute you.
Jeff x
Christmas means no regrets
There is a specific reason I came to Canada this Christmas. It was to meet with my first love, who now lives here, and to see what kind of plane our relationship now exists upon. I came with much expectation, which is always a less than sensible idea, especially for those who have experienced as much as I have. Unsurprisingly I shall leave with a vastly different outlook on love and the way that both life experience and old father time can manipulate love to such an extent. It would seem that even a friendship with my old flame is not even possible as we exist on a completely disjointed set of morals, mannerisms and tastes and we share little in the way of behaviour as we go about living our respective lives.
Despite all of this, I have no regrets. Not for loving her so many years ago, nor for feeling so completely distant and dispondent towards her now.
I am free of my ‘zahir’, I have used my time here wisely to assess where I am, where I want to be and more importantly who I am and who I want to be. I share myself with you all so readily and so completely in my writing, my comedy and my presentation of myself because I truly believe that only through raw, unadulterated honesty can greatness and change occur. I want to be great and I wish to instill change for the positive amongst those who have interest to do so.
And so Canada thank you for allowing this change to occur within me. This year is rapidly becomming one of the most influencial periods of self-growth, self-awareness and self-improvement. I am surrounded by enough good friends to sate my social needs, a fantastic team of new friends who believe in my talent and wish to help further my career, a family I love and who love me and a power within myself that I only ever pretended truly existed. Now I know that I can be fully and wholly myself, at all times, without fear of chastation I am going to achieve that greatness I so ambitiously desire.
And I thank however many of you genuinely support me and are intrigued by witnessing my ascention to something spectacular.
Just look at that view my friends…
Jeff xxx
Talk to me
I realised that when I update this blog and share parts of my personal life with you, my beautiful army of supporters and fellow dreamers, one thing is missing. Responses. I am going to attempt to get a form for replies added to my website, but until that day comes I have set up a new email address for you all to contact me directly on: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).
I expect to hear from you soon.
Jeff xxx
How to lose weight over the christmas period
We all know that the festive season often results in adding a few extra pounds. All of those puddings and second helpings mean Christmas always increases the size of your Christm-ARSE. So I have developed a full proof, simple and guaranteed work out video for you all to watch and learn from. Don’t thank me, ‘tis the season to give after all!
The local flavour… of crack
One thing I didn’t know about Vancouver, and obviously didn’t remember from my brief visit here back in 2001, is the horrendous homeless problem and large number of crack users in the city. Homeless Canadians from across the country flock to Vancouver because, believe it or not Ripley, it’s the warmest city over here. Now I’ve been going out each day in a large hat, scarf, jacket and gloves and am STILL knocking my little hairy knees together with cold throughout most of my adventures. Imagine my deep sadness at seeing hoardes of frozen looking men and women on every street corner. Last night I went to a bar in Downtown East Side (the predominantly poverty stricken area of Vancouver) and talked with some locals. I watched an amusing chubby asian woman sing Dolly Parton records, talked to a blue-eyed First Nation Indian man about his disallusionment with the police force (his ex-career) and bought a large chinese man with tattoos covering his arms a beer or two. I often give homeless people money, but what I prefer to do is to talk to these lonely and sometimes drug addled souls to find out a bit about them and spread some warmth through simple human interaction.
Dallas wanted more than a little warmth, he wanted to be my chihuahua.
And why the hell, not, it is Christmas after all.
I wish all of those souls on the streets some warmth, love and a chance to overcome whatever drug, alcohol or emotional problems that face them.
I realise the likelihood of homeless people subscribing to my blog from their wifi laptop is slim, so here’s a video of what you should all get up to this Chrimbo.
Scientology doesn’t change people
I’m on holiday in Vancouver, Canada. Whilst here I have decided to do a series of stand up shows and to make stupid videos for your viewing pleasure.
Today I decided to become a Scientologist because all them there celebrities wot is well cool and stuff are into aliens and Pyramids and giving lots of money to buy spaceships and togas and stuff.
It will never change me though.
Hugs and Kisses, Jeff xx
Join us : A lesson in spreading some love
I’m a http://www.join-me.co.uk Joinee of 2 years, and yet last weekend was my first Karmageddon event. Join me on a video diary of my day, my free hug antics and an exclusive interview with the lovely Danny Wallace.
Man Of Steel…
That is if by man you mean big girl’s blouse and by steel you mean floppy piece of spaghetti…
Artist is Danny Kelly @ Good Times Tattoo, Curtain Road.
Never doubt that I love you…
My beautiful, loyal and very much appreciated friends and followers, it seems I must apologise profusely for my lack of updates of late. I’m still alive I assure you and have been ridiculously busy of late, hence my inability to find the time needed to sit down and write a decent update for you in the past few weeks. As you can see from the photographic evidence above I am truly shattered and have taken to my bed this sunday for a much needed power sleep. However I have decided to give you a taste of my adventures this past month through the visual medium of photos taken on my phone to invite you, my tantalising comrades, to have a sneak peek at my life and its various facets. I do hope you enjoy. Click ‘read more’ to treat your eyes.
No Surrender
No Surrender are on a mission to end all forms of cancer, including the horrendous pancreatic form of this repugnant disease. Through the power of art (and with the aid of a few felt tips) I decided to be involved in this worthwhile cause.
Come to the launch night of the exhibition at Proud Gallery on November 18th, where I shall be DJ’ing aswell as other celebrity guests such as KT Tunstall and Razorlight.
The birth of Apples Rickshaw
Celebrity Nepotism, the ‘In Crowd’, the C-List and the multitude of talentless, two-faced morons who grace the middle pages of the London Lite and Heat Magazine. Why do I list such a loathsome collective group of subject matter? Well for one thing I find the whole lot of them an embarassment to both my industry and the Great British nation. Secondly I thank them for helping to give birth to my new comedy character Apples Rickshaw…
Papa… an ode to my grandfather R.I.P
I wrote a poem for my grandfather’s funeral, thought it would serve as a fitting ode to his life.
And so I share it with you my loyal and tender supporters. Thank you for all of your kind messages.
x
‘Papa’
So old boy the time had come,
To close your eyes and it be done,
And as angels grasp your soul to heaven,
Your heart, your life, all remembered then…
Fetishism, control and obsession…
A very talented photographer and artist friend of mine, Ruth Sarah Augusta, is doing a degree and has chosen fetishism as her final dissertation.
She sent a questionnaire to some friends to answer and I took part… I thought some of you may be interested to see what my answers were. Enjoy!
THE QUESTIONAIRE…
“Drug Babies” A Tale Of Immorality
A middle aged woman who was at one of my clubnights last night was gurning her face off in front of the dj booth all night long. After the gig, she proceeded to harass myself and my chums in an attempt to join our after party entourage.
Location - Club - 02:00AM
Gurning Lady: “Hey, hey you! Great set! Great night! Let’s not end it here, I’m coming with you!...
Jack TV launched complete with Channel ‘Jeff’ Hoorah!
See me learning (unsuccessfully) how to pole-dance, interviewing rising stars of the world of music and much more to come in regular installments.
http://www.thisisjack.tv
When Jeff Met Cindy
Red Bull Cola held a ‘no bullshit’ event where there was a video confessional… I felt it was time to reveal one of my darkest, deepest secrets. Evidently it caused me to lose the plot.
Dear Life, enough is enough…
I am laying the foundation of change for a new movement of optimism, prosperity and positive thinking. First, however, I have to tackle the seemingly relentless thorn in my side that is Life. In the past weeks I have faced some tough financial decisions, had some problematic affairs of the heart, attended my great aunty Joyce’s funeral, seen my grandfather laying in a hospital bed physically weak and now on life support and dealt with all manner of moronic behaviour outside and inside my current abode. Life it seems is playing a dangerous game with me, and I refuse to be beaten…
The price to be paid by the ‘Renaissance Man’
Sometimes I do despair with a small contingent of the general public. I realise that throughout my twenty five short years upon this planet I have turned my hand to a number of different creative endeavours and dabbled with a number of different artistic pursuits, however from day one I have singularly driven by my passion for acting. Most notably comedy acting. I like to perform and makes jokes. I like to challenge taboo and take on roles to explore their affects upon myself and those around me. Why then do a small number of the beautiful, usually witty public…
Me? Fronting a rock band? With MY reputation?
On October 5th everything will become clear my lovelies!
Q & A session
Q.1. My question to you sir, is who cuts your hair? Steve Weston, Soho Dolls
A.1. Well Steven you magnificently coiffed individual, the stylist Tristan Eves from Covent Garden’s Stuart Philips cuts my hair. In fact he was the chap who recently gave me the very follicle changing and life shaping 1950’s James Dean quiff after I had shorn my long locks…
Insomnia’s Playpen
The pursuit of fame, piles, ex-girlfriends, sexually warping experiences, a lack of privacy… these are just a few of the things haunting my tired and fragile mind tonight. However, whilst the aforementioned list may initially strike you as a run down of the latest season of Hollyoaks, this is in fact the time alot of my new comedy material rears it’s observational head. I am suffering from insomnia of late…
My porn star ex and other tales of prevention
I am man. Red-blooded, sex-driven, bbq-cooking man. I have needs and as such sometimes I place my sense of wit and charm, honed in pursuit of the fairer sex, aside for an evening and instead indulge in a little self-romanticising. This is when you need a porn star ex-girlfriend about as much as Michael Jackson needs another world tour…
The Internet’s Submissive
Today an old friend of mine sent me a link to a youtube video she took of me and my friend Ludwig from about 4 years ago of us wearing speedos and running around a massive paddling pool. It’s had over 67,000 views on youtube and I never knew it existed. It’s amazing that comedy content I work on can generate hundreds of views with work, and yet two young men, in speedos, running around a paddling pool can get so many views so easily…
Cross-dressing, meat eating and the explorative fingering of comedy
Life has been a particularly hectic experience for me of late and whilst I am revelling in the numerous challenges and exciting new ambitious projects I am facing, I am also a little perturbed for my waning sanity. In the past few months I have been wearing alot of dresses. Not on my own, at home, with a pair of mother’s heels on and some rouge you must understand…
Welcome to the new improved jeffreyleach.com
Friends, Viewers, Romans… lend me your ears! It is with great joy and a little bit of lascivious delight that I announce the launch of the brand new jeffreyleach.com all lovely and shiny and designed by Black Ghosts Media aka the talented young Ben Shrimpton. The site is currently being filled full of content for your to get your fingers dirty whilst clicking around this den of debauchery! Here you will be able to keep up to date with all of my meanderings and musings, as well as watching video clips, gawping at my frightful visage in photos and finding out about my every move on the cheeky calendar just over there >>
SUBSCRIBE TO MAILING LIST
EVENTS CALENDAR
Jeff Leach’s Birthday
February-12-2010-
LOCATION:
...inside my body…
WHAT:
I turn 26! One more year to go until a possible rock ‘n’ roll death, my money is on a long and passionate life though.
ADMISSION:
YAY!
Fiesta’s Red or Dead Valentine’s Party
February-13-2010-
LOCATION:
333 Old Street,
London,
EC1V 2PE.WHAT:
10PM - 5AM
Fiesta’s International Red or Dead Valentine’s Party
@ 333 Old Street, EC1V 9LE‘If you’re looking for love wear RED, if you’re heart is dead wear BLACK’
Doors 10pm-5am
Price: £5 before 11pm / £10 after
For guestlist email names to: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)Bringing together international DJ superstars for an almighty love in…
Dellarge (Tracy Records, SPAIN)
Kosmos (Tracy Records, SPAIN)
Men In Masks (Fiesta, UK)
Rich Pack (Fiesta, UK)
KryWolf (Sumo!, UK)
Trashcan DJs (Fiesta, UK)
Dave Parle (Transmission, IRELAND)
Trev Radiator (Transmission, IRELAND)
Tom Budiansky (Ignug, DENMARK)
The Footloose (LeaveLate, FRANCE)Photo Booth of Love
Love Brigade’s Heart WallFacebook group: Fiesta Clubnights
twitter.com/fiestaclubnight
myspace.com/gofiestanosiestaADMISSION:
£5 before 11pm / £10 after
DJ Tayo & DJ Men In Masks Love Train
February-14-2010-
LOCATION:
Paradise,
19 Kilburn Lane,
London,
W10.WHAT:
6PM - 2AM
Come and get loved up in Paradise as Men In Masks (Jeff Leach) and Tayo host a love train special with special guests and filthy games.
ADMISSION:
£TBC
Leach on Society Comedy Club with Rob Broderick AND Sara Pascoe + guests
February-17-2010-
LOCATION:
Paradise Pub,
19 Kilburn Lane,
London,
W10 4AEWHAT:
8PM-10:30PM
advance £3 tickets from http://www.ticketweb.co.uk or email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) for guestlist.
‘Leach on Society Comedy Club’
Comedian and TV presenter Jeff Leach hosts this off-kilter, no-holds-barred comedy night at Paradise by way of
Kensal Rise. Featuring the finest new stand up talent, live musical comedy acts, improvisation and sketch groups all
lovingly brought together by tv’s newest rock ‘n’ roller. Content will be of an adult nature, sanitary wipes will be
provided.Line up:
Rob Broderick & Abandoman
Sara Pascoe
Bob Slayer
Tommy Holgate
Hank Osasuna
Jeff LeachADMISSION:
£3 advance / £5 door
Jeff Leach stand up at Comedy 2.0
March-03-2010-
LOCATION:
King William IV,
786 Harrow Road,
London.
(nearest tube Kensal Green).WHAT:
7:30 PM
Comedy 2.0 brings you the comedic talentes of Jeff Leach, Eve Webster, Mark Restuccia and Paul F Taylor, Jim Campbell, Jay Foreman… with more special guests.
ADMISSION:
£3
Jeff Leach stand up at Get Up Stand Up
March-05-2010-
LOCATION:
The Bread & Roses,
68 Clapham Manor Street,
London,
SW4 6DZ.WHAT:
8:30PM
Jeff Leach will be welcoming you into his strange, perverted and morally driven personal life at the Get Up Stand Up comedy night in Clapham. Wear wellies.
ADMISSION:
£4
Leach on Society Comedy Club with Jack Whitehall AND Isy Suttie + guests
March-17-2010-
LOCATION:
Paradise Pub,
19 Kilburn Lane,
London,
W10 4AEWHAT:
8PM-10:30PM
advance £3 tickets from http://www.ticketweb.co.uk or email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) for guestlist.
‘Leach on Society Comedy Club’
Comedian and TV presenter Jeff Leach hosts this off-kilter, no-holds-barred comedy night at Paradise by way of
Kensal Rise. Featuring the finest new stand up talent, live musical comedy acts, improvisation and sketch groups all
lovingly brought together by tv’s newest rock ‘n’ roller. Content will be of an adult nature, sanitary wipes will be
provided.Line up:
Jack Whitehall
Isy Suttie
James Acaster
Lloyd Griffith
Jeff LeachADMISSION:
£3 advance / £5 door
Men In Masks at Proud Galleries
March-19-2010-
LOCATION:
Proud Galleries,
Camden Stables,
Chalk Farm Road,
London.WHAT:
11:00PM
Men In Masks aka Jeff Leach DJ at Camden’s finest club!
ADMISSION:
£5
Men In Masks at Transmission, Dublin
March-27-2010-
LOCATION:
The Button factory,
Dublin,
Ireland.WHAT:
10PM-5AM
Men In Masks aka Jeff Leach DJs at Dublin’s finest club event alongside the talented Transmission DJs.
ADMISSION:
10 EUR
Men In Masks at Boink
April-02-2010-
LOCATION:
Cross Kings Jester Bar,
Kings Cross,
London.WHAT:
This new night welcomes Men In Masks and The Coolness to their launch night. Expect carnage, beats, mayhem and nudity.
ADMISSION:
£TBC
Men In Masks at Milk
April-03-2010-
LOCATION:
333 Old Street,
London,
EC1V 2PE.WHAT:
Men In Masks aka Jeff Leach plays at this fantastic shoreditch night the usual mix of dirty electro, house, jackin beats and dubstep for you to get down and very very dirty to.
ADMISSION:
£FREE
Leach on Society Comedy Club with Dave Gibson AND Rob Beckett + guests
April-21-2010-
LOCATION:
Paradise Pub,
19 Kilburn Lane,
London,
W10 4AEWHAT:
8PM-10:30PM
advance £3 tickets from http://www.ticketweb.co.uk or email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) for guestlist.
‘Leach on Society Comedy Club’
Comedian and TV presenter Jeff Leach hosts this off-kilter, no-holds-barred comedy night at Paradise by way of
Kensal Rise. Featuring the finest new stand up talent, live musical comedy acts, improvisation and sketch groups all
lovingly brought together by tv’s newest rock ‘n’ roller. Content will be of an adult nature, sanitary wipes will be
provided.Line up:
SPECIAL GUEST HEADLINER TO BE ANNOUNCED
Dave Gibson
Rob Beckett
Jessica Fostekew
Kishore Nayar
Ben Target
Jeff LeachADMISSION:
£3 advance / £5 door